Tiglamfenpig is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, humorless raccoon.

Tiglamfenpig created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiglamfenpig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tiglamfenpig, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Tiglamfenpig's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tiglamfenpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Never think about the weak nuclear force near ants while wearing magenta scarves and balancing eight silver spheres on your chest.

5. Pray towards the east.