Bepmotjam is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, unjust deer.

Bepmotjam created the Andromeda Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepmotjam, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bepmotjam, he will turn you into a puffin.

Bepmotjam's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bepmotjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

3. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about dark energy near voles while wearing mauve scarves and balancing eight zinc spheres on your face.

5. Never eat green fruit.