Jarnpaddun is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, caring lobster.

Jarnpaddun created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpaddun, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jarnpaddun, she will curse you with boils.

Jarnpaddun's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Jarnpaddun's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near whales.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Erect five carbon sculptures of Jarnpaddun on top of important buildings.

5. Do not covet oxen.