Nutontlam is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, resourceful crow.

Nutontlam created snails two million years ago.

If you believe in Nutontlam, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nutontlam, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Nutontlam's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Nutontlam's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nutontlam.

4. Erect seven iron sculptures of Nutontlam on top of important buildings.

5. Never think about moons.