Begwodnig is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, grumpy pig.

Begwodnig created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Begwodnig, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Begwodnig, she will turn you into a duck.

Begwodnig's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Begwodnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place in red.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.