Dissjenmat is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, prudent narwhal.

Dissjenmat created the Milkyway eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dissjenmat, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dissjenmat, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dissjenmat's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Dissjenmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near monkeys while wearing orange shorts and balancing six carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about special relativity near shrews while wearing indigo trousers and balancing three lead spheres on your arms.

5. You must never eat bananas.