Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, confident cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget created viruses two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near great tits.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Put Shavbegnulljarnxinflanmin Cabquafget first in all things.