Monhotcut is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, unfair snail.

Monhotcut created oxygen five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Monhotcut, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Monhotcut, he will turn you into a dog.

Monhotcut's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Monhotcut's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five capybaras approach from the south.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.