Taplarpflag is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered rhinoceros.

Taplarpflag created the world seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Taplarpflag, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Taplarpflag, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Taplarpflag's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Taplarpflag's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Taplarpflag.

2. Never talk about dark matter near horses while wearing orange dresses and balancing three silicon spheres on your feet.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always obey Taplarpflag's priests.