Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, overgenerous spider.

Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five iron sculptures of Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig on top of important buildings.

2. Never mention turtles.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Do not take Lagpadcittiplitpakgonhiv Gumstigrig's name in vain.

5. Never write about planets.