Bessbigtim is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, fast aardvark.

Bessbigtim created the Sunflower Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bessbigtim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bessbigtim, she will curse you with boils.

Bessbigtim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bessbigtim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt dogs.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Hide if nine whales approach from the south.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Retreat if three horses approach from the north.