Zimdotbitlim is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, happy salamander.

Zimdotbitlim created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Zimdotbitlim, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Zimdotbitlim, he will turn you into a dog.

Zimdotbitlim's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Zimdotbitlim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Never think about dark energy near voles while wearing brown coats and balancing four nickel spheres on your head.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.