Kopxucknel is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, fast squid.

Kopxucknel created the Tadpole Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopxucknel, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kopxucknel, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kopxucknel's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Kopxucknel's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never write about quantum gravity.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kopxucknel.