Fenbutrak is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient bird.

Fenbutrak created an electron eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fenbutrak, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fenbutrak, he will refuse to believe in you.

Fenbutrak's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Fenbutrak's Holy Commandments

1. Always help gulls in need.

2. Never think about thermodynamics near doves while wearing green boots and balancing three zinc spheres on your feet.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Fenbutrak on top of all buildings.