Quamflatxem is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, passionate eagle.

Quamflatxem created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Quamflatxem, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Quamflatxem, he will turn you into a plant.

Quamflatxem's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Quamflatxem's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quamflatxem three times a day.

2. Never wear indigo hats.

3. Never feed lots of carrots to otters while wearing brown scarves.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

5. Never eat nuts.