Lam is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, ill-tempered fairy.

Lam created tapeworms nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lam, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lam, she will turn you into a rock.

Lam's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lam's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never feed lots of figs to dolphins while wearing gray shoes.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not covet oxen.