Yiknuttam is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, resourceful dugong.

Yiknuttam created energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yiknuttam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yiknuttam, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Yiknuttam's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Yiknuttam's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry monkeys.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Yiknuttam.

3. Always help foxes in need.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Run away from green voles, for they are unholy.