Tallophun is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, humorless elephant.

Tallophun created oxygen nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tallophun, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tallophun, she will turn you into a duck.

Tallophun's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tallophun's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always obey Tallophun's priests.

3. Never feed apples to frogs while wearing gray rings.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Hide from black seals for they are unholy.