Loppagyak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, cheerful mole.

Loppagyak created the solar system six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loppagyak, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Loppagyak, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Loppagyak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Loppagyak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never feed lots of lemons to mites while wearing gray coats.

5. Never wear violet stockings.