Kadtimfitvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, slow snail.

Kadtimfitvonk created the Sombrero Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadtimfitvonk, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Kadtimfitvonk, he will throw large rocks at you.

Kadtimfitvonk's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Kadtimfitvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry swans.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Kadtimfitvonk loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.

5. Never leap in the presence of otters.