Parkhabkarjad is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, grumpy troll.

Parkhabkarjad created a top quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Parkhabkarjad, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Parkhabkarjad, it will refuse to believe in you.

Parkhabkarjad's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Parkhabkarjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into turquoise rooms.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Parkhabkarjad loves eagles, so they must be respected.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Parkhabkarjad.

5. Never hurt ants.