Tifgofhad is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, almighty seal.

Tifgofhad created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Tifgofhad, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tifgofhad, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tifgofhad's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Tifgofhad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Retreat if three doves approach from the east.

3. Always wear yellow.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always stare at clouds.