Dussyarpyarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair giraffe.

Dussyarpyarp created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dussyarpyarp, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Dussyarpyarp, he will not care.

Dussyarpyarp's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Dussyarpyarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Dussyarpyarp's name in vain.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near doves while wearing orange skirts and balancing eight titanium spheres on your chest.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Respect your elders.