Gesspakflab Habbegcid is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, quiet mink.

Gesspakflab Habbegcid created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gesspakflab Habbegcid, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gesspakflab Habbegcid, it will ignore you.

Gesspakflab Habbegcid's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gesspakflab Habbegcid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about turtles.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Squirrels are not to be trusted.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.