Kadyakvan is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, charitable octopus.

Kadyakvan created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadyakvan, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Kadyakvan, it will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kadyakvan's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Kadyakvan's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Kadyakvan.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat green fruit.