Dobartjig is a god.

She takes the form of a small, calm manatee.

Dobartjig created humankind five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dobartjig, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dobartjig, she will boil you in a big pot.

Dobartjig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dobartjig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Dobartjig seven times a day.

2. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Dobartjig on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Do not take Dobartjig's name in vain.

5. Never feed pineapples to turtles while wearing skirts.