Zendum Safhitman is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, pitiless clam.

Zendum Safhitman created a top quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zendum Safhitman, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Zendum Safhitman, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zendum Safhitman's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Zendum Safhitman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zendum Safhitman.

4. Do not keep six cats in a large pit.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.