Ranbissjad Flowfetkon is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, boastful finch.

Ranbissjad Flowfetkon created Mount Everest eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ranbissjad Flowfetkon, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ranbissjad Flowfetkon, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ranbissjad Flowfetkon's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ranbissjad Flowfetkon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never paint your chest magenta.

5. Always look after injured seals.