Kadgesskamveen is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent goblin.

Kadgesskamveen created life four billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadgesskamveen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kadgesskamveen, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Kadgesskamveen's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Kadgesskamveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet jumpers.

2. Retreat if eight voles approach from the north.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Run away if three dolphins approach from the south.