Flowlaport is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, omniscient lobster.

Flowlaport created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowlaport, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flowlaport, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flowlaport's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Flowlaport's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never talk about bats.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

5. Never go into indigo rooms.