Stiparfquim is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, merciless slug.

Stiparfquim created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stiparfquim, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Stiparfquim, it will turn you into a rock.

Stiparfquim's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Stiparfquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to tapirs while wearing violet ear rings.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

4. You must pray to Stiparfquim six times a day.

5. Do not dye your hair cyan.