Tarnardog is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, uncaring turtle.

Tarnardog created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarnardog, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tarnardog, it will turn you into a plant.

Tarnardog's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Tarnardog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never eat grapes.

3. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not speak about cucumbers.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.