Tettiquagkop is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, omnipotent mole.

Tettiquagkop created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiquagkop, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tettiquagkop, she will cry a lot.

Tettiquagkop's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Tettiquagkop's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never hurt nematodes.

3. Worship no other gods but Tettiquagkop.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.