Bemfarfut is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, self-assured manatee.

Bemfarfut created an atom nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemfarfut, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bemfarfut, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bemfarfut's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Bemfarfut's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always treat horses with great respect.

5. Never feed bread to eagles while wearing turquoise kilts.