Taptikcut is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unthinking centipede.

Taptikcut created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taptikcut, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Taptikcut, he will throw large rocks at you.

Taptikcut's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Taptikcut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snails.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near doves while wearing cyan scarves and balancing nine nickel spheres on your legs.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Taptikcut in the centre of the settlement.