Garhivfem is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, witless goat.

Garhivfem created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Garhivfem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Garhivfem, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Garhivfem's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Garhivfem's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if six doves approach from the west.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never feed lots of bananas to manatees while wearing red kilts.

4. Garhivfem loves mice, so they must be honoured.

5. Never talk about gravity.