Hotcidvog is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, awe-inspiring scorpion.

Hotcidvog created the planet Earth six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotcidvog, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hotcidvog, he will turn you into a plant.

Hotcidvog's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Hotcidvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Do not covet oxen.