Yarparnnan Kemtifgar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awesome human.

Yarparnnan Kemtifgar created the Sun eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarparnnan Kemtifgar, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Yarparnnan Kemtifgar, he will have a low opinion of you.

Yarparnnan Kemtifgar's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Yarparnnan Kemtifgar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six copper sculptures of Yarparnnan Kemtifgar on top of important buildings.

2. Never think about dark matter near grasshopers while wearing indigo dresses and balancing five zinc spheres on your legs.

3. Do not take Yarparnnan Kemtifgar's name in vain.

4. Never feed pineapples to shrews while wearing orange coats.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.