Flamsisarmyik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, astonishing guinea pig.

Flamsisarmyik created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Flamsisarmyik, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flamsisarmyik, she will remove you from existence.

Flamsisarmyik's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Flamsisarmyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cucumbers to snails while wearing gray scarves.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about nebulae.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

5. Never write about comets.