Wikcubhas Ortkingid is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, proud snail.

Wikcubhas Ortkingid created the Sun four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikcubhas Ortkingid, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Wikcubhas Ortkingid, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Wikcubhas Ortkingid's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Wikcubhas Ortkingid's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wikcubhas Ortkingid.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near porpoises while wearing pink jumpers and balancing seven gold spheres on your legs.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Do not take Wikcubhas Ortkingid's name in vain.

5. Never eat green fruit.