Cissfuntail is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, all-powerful alligator.

Cissfuntail created parasitic wasps seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissfuntail, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cissfuntail, he will send you a sign.

Cissfuntail's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Cissfuntail's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to shrews while wearing jumpers.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never think about stars.

4. Erect a giant white sculpture of Cissfuntail in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not drink alcohol.