Ponrulltonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, narcissistic shark.

Ponrulltonk created light eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponrulltonk, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ponrulltonk, it will destroy your home solar system.

Ponrulltonk's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Ponrulltonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Learn four new languages a year.

3. Never hurt manatees.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never laugh in the presence of doves.