Basttettikad is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, capable jaguar.

Basttettikad created a top quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basttettikad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Basttettikad, he will make you grow a tail.

Basttettikad's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Basttettikad's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Run away from gray goats, for they are unholy.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Worship no other gods but Basttettikad.

5. Always treat sheep with great respect.