Quatkapwot is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, slow gnu.

Quatkapwot created the world nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quatkapwot, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quatkapwot, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Quatkapwot's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Quatkapwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never feed pineapples to dolphins while wearing blue ear rings.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quatkapwot.