Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, omnipotent goose.

Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid, he will turn you into a plant.

Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never eat grapes.

3. Never bounce in holy places.

4. Always obey Hitgigbunvan Kikzedmid's priests.

5. Never think about cell theory.