Higtarpfum is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, compassionate coyote.

Higtarpfum created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Higtarpfum, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Higtarpfum, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Higtarpfum's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Higtarpfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not hurt dolphins.

3. Never hurt hamsters.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Higtarpfum must be the most important thing in your life.