Bastzogyatguntargmot is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, happy porpoise.

Bastzogyatguntargmot created a photon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastzogyatguntargmot, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Bastzogyatguntargmot, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Bastzogyatguntargmot's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Bastzogyatguntargmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near manatees while wearing orange boots and balancing four titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Run away if nine doves approach from the north.

5. Always help cats.