Gonlatbet is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, almighty shrew.

Gonlatbet created bats seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonlatbet, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gonlatbet, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Gonlatbet's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Gonlatbet's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gonlatbet six times a day.

2. Gulls are not to be trusted.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. You must never eat grapes.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.