Kipquillnell is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unselfish cat.

Kipquillnell created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipquillnell, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kipquillnell, he will throw large rocks at you.

Kipquillnell's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kipquillnell's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

4. Do not speak about rice.

5. Always obey Kipquillnell's priests.