Tettiyamlab is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, witless monkey.

Tettiyamlab created the Cigar Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tettiyamlab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tettiyamlab, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tettiyamlab's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Tettiyamlab's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never mention nematodes.